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<title>The Ways In Which Richie’s Life Was Impacted By Eddie’s Death, And The One Way It Was Impacted By Stan’s. by orphan_account</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23802040">The Ways In Which Richie’s Life Was Impacted By Eddie’s Death, And The One Way It Was Impacted By Stan’s.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stephen King’s It</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:02:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23802040</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Guilt. I made a mistake. Shame. I am a mistake<br/>***<br/>Title is a work in progress<br/>***<br/>Kind of one of those “The five times blah blah and the one time blah blah” but sad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Reddie - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Ways In Which Richie’s Life Was Impacted By Eddie’s Death, And The One Way It Was Impacted By Stan’s.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Guilt. I made a mistake. Shame. I am a mistake.</p><p>Richie blames himself. In his nightmares he sees Eddie. Scared and weak, standing in the basement of the old house on Neibolt Street. He turns to Richie, and his face flickers between child and adult. “I’m scared Rich.” And every time, every damn time, Richie just pushes him down the well.</p><p>Richie introduces himself as bisexual now, he can no longer ignore it, he likes to think he came about this discovery all on his own, but he knows he, in fact, did not. </p><p>He went to get his glasses properly repaired and it was suggested that he just buy a new pair, they were offered to him at half price because “How in God’s name did you do cause much damage ?”. But he can’t bring himself to buy new ones. Sometimes when he closes his eyes he can feel the gentle cold drip of the quarry water down the back of his ears. And then he practically hears where Eddie’s voice should come in, “Don’t wash up in that, that’s grey water.” So he just duct tapes them up.</p><p>Richie has never, not once, felt like they won that battle with It. Maybe It was dead, maybe It would never come back, but Richie has always felt, and will always feel, much like the rest of The Losers Club, that he’d lost far too much to call it a win.</p><p>Richie goes back to Derry. A lot actually. He likes to visit Mike, and reminisce. They never did get around to speaking much as kids. They somehow manage to work around the murderous entity part of their childhood. Probably because it’s fading back into an untouched part of their brains, much like it did all those years ago. Richie’s real reason for going back to Derry, is to visit the kissing bridge. As much as he wanted to forget It and wanted to forget everything he’d been through and the nightmare he’d suffered he never wanted to forget Eddie. He likes to trace over the letters, letting his fingers sit in the rough edges of the E. One day while reading over some new material for his show, he notices a splinter in the side of his finger, and he knows exactly where it’s from. He almost spills his freshly made coffee and spends a few minutes after that crying. </p><p>He laughs internally every time he sees a kid with an inhaler, he knows he shouldn’t, knows it’s fucking awful, but it takes the majority of his strength not to actually say anything to them. Trash mouth. So with all his energy in keeping his mouth shut his brain tends to wander. It takes a long stroll down memory lane and ends up in front of Bill’s garage. The same grey front and dull sheen. The odd silence that had been filled by Bill’s mother playing piano for so many years, that had abruptly stopped that rainy October day. It takes him back to the day he watches that nightmarish projection. It stands behind Eddie’s shoulder as he puffs on that breathalyser uselessly. After they beat It the first time, a few weeks after to be exact, he and Eddie had been walking towards the barons, shoulders brushing innocently, when Eddie had stumbled over something (his own feet probably) and dropped his inhaler. It had fallen to the edge of the beaten down path and into some shrubbery and Richie bent to pick it up. <br/>“Clumsily today aren’t we Eds.”<br/>Eddie had snatched it back from him and punched his arm pathetically, shoving the inhaler back into his fanny pack.<br/>“Don’t call me that!”<br/>“Okay Eddie Spaghetti, what’s in those things anyways?”<br/>A look of doubt or maybe fear had flashed across Eddie’s face, but he laughed it off in his own skittish way and it made Richie a little hot under the collar watching him, but he quickly collected himself. <br/>“They help me breathe.”<br/>“Well I know that dumbass but-“<br/>“Beep beep Richie. Just leave it alone.”<br/>Richie reckons they’re full of shit.</p><p>Richie’s a romantic. He’s flirtatious and he’s foreword and he doesn’t hide his feelings because, fuck it, you have no power over me Pennywise. There were so many chances that he missed as a kid, so many chances he missed as an adult, but he refuses to let anything from his past win him over now. He doesn’t think he’ll ever feel love again, not like he did when he was 12, but he does give that girl a flower, and that guy his number. And he’s happy he’s getting out of the sewer, even if he’s only really laying on the drain.<br/>***<br/>Richie only takes showers. He tried taking a bath to clear his mind after the funeral, but when he came up from under the soapy water, the bath was filled with blood and Stan was next to him eyes blank and mouth open, telling him all about how they were losers, and they always would be. Richie only takes showers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Never wepritten anything like this before (or even for this fandom) so gimme those thoughts and feelings guys x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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